Compatible, that’s what I’d call a pair like you and me
Our charts, our wits, our pheromones all match impeccably
But before we wed let’s give a thought to future litigation
For one thing must be established prior to our cohabitation

[Chorus]
Do you put the toilet roll paper over or paper under?
It could be a major blunder, it splits the world asunder
If the toilet tissue issue drives you up the wall
But it’s neither better or worse, it’s just different, that’s all

Some people justify their choice, defending inconsolably
“It’s easier to grab”, “It doesn’t spool off uncontrollably!”
Then dummies spit despite the fact it’s really a line call
Whether whim, aesthetic or logic, it’s different, that’s all
That’s all, that’s all

[Chorus...]

Think of mum and dad next time you pull upon those perforations
Role models play a part, it passes down through generations
Your preference was imprinting prior to days when you could crawl
Whether genes, recessive or dominant, it’s different, that’s all
That’s all, that’s all

OK, hands up all the overs, and now all the unders raise a hand
Now all those who don’t give a rat’s, you’re in denial, I understand
I won’t get onto scrunch or fold, it may incite a brawl
Whether whim, aesthetic or logic, it’s different, that’s all
That’s all, that’s all

[Chorus...]

You may be thinking quietly, “What a stupid subject for a song”
But history’s page is bloodied by such petty bickering gone wrong
It only takes the slightest slip to make the mighty fall
Whether gods, bollocks or politics, it’s different, that’s all
That’s all, that’s all

So do whales, who also live en masse, debate the daft meticulous
Is it “oaoroa” or “oaaror”? Would that be so ridiculous?
Decisions may cause schisms for all creatures great and small
Even amoebas can be divisive, it’s different, that’s all
That’s all, that’s all

Well, I tried to make this song a reel to bring a smile to Irish eyes
I prayed they’d maybe play it gaily ’til the day the diddly dies
But its resemblance to a real reel is really small
And it’s not a jig or a hornpipe, it’s different, that’s all

[Chorus...]
That’s all, that’s all, that’s all, that’s all, that’s all, that’s all

Do you put your toilet roll paper over or paper under?
It could be a major blunder, it splits the world asunder
If the toilet tissue issue shits you up the wall
But it’s neither better or worse, it’s just different, that’s all
That’s all, that’s all, that’s all, that’s all, that’s all, that’s all, that’s all

© Mal Webb 2002

Chords:
Verse1: I F  I Bb  I F  I A7  I Bb  I Db  I F/C F/Bb I A7sus A7 I A7/G  I
Ch1: I D/F# Gm6 II D  I E/D  I D  I Go/D Eo/D I D  I E/D  I Eo/D D I E7  I Fo  I
Verse2: I F  I Bb  I F  I A7  I Bb  I Db  I F/C F/Bb I A7sus A7 I A7/G  I
Ch1: I D/F# Gm6 II D  I E/D  I D  I Go/D Eo/D I D  I E/D  I Eo/D D I E7  I Fo  I
Verse3: I F  I Bb  I F  I A7  I Bb  I Db  I F/C F/Bb I A7sus A7 I A7/G  I
Verse4: I F  I Bb  I F  I A7  I Bb  I Db  I F/C F/Bb I A7sus A7 I A7/G  I
Ch2: I D/F# Gm6 II D  I Em Fo I D/F#  I Gm6 Bb6#11 I
         l D/A  I E/G#  I Gm6 D/F# I E7  I Fo  Abo I Bo Do I
Verse5: I F  I Bb  I F  I A7  I Bb  I Db  I F/C F/Bb I A7sus A7 I A7/G  I
Verse6: I F  I Bb  I F  I A7  I Bb  I Db  I F/C F/Bb I A7sus A7 I A7/G  I
Verse7: I D/F# Gm6 II D  I E/D  I D  I Go/D Eo/D I D  I E/D  I Eo/D D I E7  I Fo I
Ch2: I D/F# Gm6 II D  I Em Fo I D/F#  I Gm6 Bb6#11 l
         I D/A  I E/G#  I Gm6 D/F# I E7  I Fo  Abo I Bo Do I D... D C Bb Ab I D   ll

It is indeed a curious subject for a song, I'll admit, but it had to be written!